I have been worrying about weaning. Now that Avi is 15 months old, I feel weird about still nursing him. When I really, really sit with myself, I know that I mostly worry about what other people think.
It's hard to have a plan, though I have a loose one. Lately I have been thinking that development goes in three month phases, like the trimesters of pregnancy. Like the schedule of pediatrician visits now. 15 months have passed since Avi was born. It feels like longer because of all we've been through, internally and externally. For whatever reason, I feel like he'll be finished nursing around 18 months. We'll see . . .
It was a good weekend. We went to see my mom in Sacramento, and Jen and Itay in Davis, all in one day. It was a lot, but it was so worth it. Having family so close by (really, it was only 90 minutes to get to my mom, and an hour to get home from Davis) is such a gift. Avi loves seeing his family, and I love to watch him deepen his relationships with everyone.
Jen and Itay just moved to a new place that has a pool. I think we'll be up there a lot this summer. The city is too cold for outdoor swimming, and indoor pools just aren't the same. I was awash with nostalgia while hanging at the pool with Avi. I remembered a childhood spent swimming every summer. It was so wonderful. It's also really cute to see Avi and Leeor in the pool together. Avi takes risks with his dad that he doesn't take with me. Plus, Davis has all the trees and natural bodies of water that feel especially beautiful. Avi was chasing after a "quack quack" on the lawn while I chased after him. We were all so tired last night that we slept like rocks until 7 this morning. How I wished it was still the weekend!
More on the nursing. During the weekend, we were a little off. I have been feeling good about being down to only a couple nursings lately, as if there is some formula for weaning. I realize that for us, there isn't. Yesterday, Avi was hot, fussy and tired in the afternoon and it just made sense to nurse. Tonight, he awoke screaming from what I imagine was a terrible nightmare. I went into his room and found him standing in his crib, sweaty and terrified. I soothed him and gathered him into my arms. I sat in the glider. He drifted right back to sleep while he cuddled his lovey and stroked my arm. No nursing needed. I felt validated, like we are naturally heading toward weaning like I thought we were. I wish I could trust my instincts more often.
There are so many mothers out there with bigger problems. I know this all too well from my work, and tomorrow I will begin leading another bereavement group. It sounds strange, but I am looking forward to it. I am so honored to witness these parents on their journey to healing from every parent's worst nightmare. Also, it puts things into perspective. So what if Avi is 15 months old and nursing? He's healthy, happy, and "typically developing." We remain grateful. And happy.
4 comments:
You shouldn't worry too much about what other people think, it is great that you are still nursing at 15 months. Weaning will happen, there is no set schedule. All 3 of mine lost interest around 15 months.
Betsy
sounds to me like you're starting the weaning process perfectly. I bet your instincts are right on. mama knows best!
The people you serve through your work are so so lucky. You are so thoughtful and honest...I am happy you do what you do.
And, so true that weaning just happens, whether instigated by mama or kid, there comes a time when one party knows resolutely that it's over. And then the other adjusts. And then more challenges and decisions to be made....
bigger problems...all big and relevant issues, sweet thang! weaning is hard. and emotional. sometimes i think i did it too early. who the heck knows.
can't wait to see you soon! must chat por telefono prontito!
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