Avi was asleep when I came home. I miss him. It makes me glad that I was late to work this morning. Having arrived sometime after 9:15, when hospital rounds begin, I slipped into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, where one of our patients was still groggy from her third liver transplant. Glad I missed the details 'cause I couldn't handle it today. Not as a tired mother who'd been up with her teething 13 month old. Thank god Leeor took the second shift last night. Now he is fast asleep, as is Avi, and Inam enjoying a second wind after an action-packed week.
My baby is walking. It has nearly replaced the crawl as his primary method of ambulation. This realization makes me pause and take a deep breath. It seems like it happened faster than I can comprehend when, really, I know it's been happening slowly since December.
Sometimes I doubt my decision to be a working mother, and now I feel I don't have a choice in the matter. When I was young, my mom stayed at home with us and it was so wonderful to have her there at the bus stop when I got home from school. I remember cookies and hanging out and chatting. Really. Of course, it changed when my parents split and she had to go to work. But it eventually became okay. My question is whether it's okay for Avi that I work so much, especially on a day like today when I got home after he was already asleep.
I feel like taking care of myself is really important, especially when I begin to feel depleted. If I had just come home after work, without attending to my needs, I don't think I would have been such a good mommy. I'd like think I'll be a better mommy because I went to yoga and therapy.
How wonderful that another work week has lead to Friday, Saturday and Sunday, my three favorite days. I can't wait to spend them with my family and friends.
1 comment:
oh girl, i am so feeling you on that post right now. i feel depleted and like work/dance/play is taking away from my elie time too. mainly, of course, it is work. and, of course, i have to work. and like you said, all the movement and amigos are necessary to keep a mama her best self. it's a puzzle.
hopefully we will finally have some good time to chat this weekend.
love you.
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