Eight months old and a lot to say

I had such a wonderful day with Avi today.

Let me back up a little.

Wednesday after work I went to yoga. The last time I went was in July. It was exactly what I needed. I love the studio, http://www.laughinglotus.com/, love my teacher, Jasmine. She talked a lot about creativity and expression and about being true to ourselves--just what I needed to hear. Plus, her sequencing is fun and almost like dancing. The class was challenging but it felt so good to move my body, open, stretch, twist, balance and hold my own weight on my arms. I am nowhere near "back" to my previous strength, but I'm starting to think less and less about getting "back" to something and instead focusing on this new self (new and improved?) since I gave birth to Avi. Needless to say, I am still sore today. But it was incredible.

Then Thursday, I got to go out with my girl Nicole. Nicole and I danced together in college over 10 years ago. She choreographed a great piece to a Tori Amos song and I remember really loving to dance with her. We reconnected a few years ago; she already had a beautiful daughter and was pregnant with her son. Then we got to experience pregnancy together as she prepared for the birth of her 3rd child, second son, and I got ready to greet Avi. She is exactly who you want on your team when you are getting ready to have your first baby. We even got to be in the hospital at the same tme (which she had dreamt about months before!). I'll never forget how, moments (or was it hours? who knows?) after Avi was born, Nicole came padding down the hall in her robe and slippers like an old pro. She is an amazing mother and a dear friend, not to mention a great dancer and choreographer. We have not been able to go out and celebrate since our boys were born, but last night we made up for lost time. Back to Farmer Brown where we were treated like queens by a waitress that Leeor and I know a little. She was like, "I love girls night out!" and proceeded to charge us $40 for 3 appetizers, an entree and um, several adult beverages. It was such a treat.

And it's really true that when we nurture ourselves, we have more to give. Even though I was tired today, I was beside myself with happiness to spend the day with Avi. It was a full day. He was up around 5:40, happy and silly and desperate to crawl, stand and generally put anything and everything into his mouth.

We napped, went to the mall (Avi is a great shopper), went for a walk, met up with a friend and her daughter, went to the park, and finally bathed and he went to bed. Something big happened, too. I gave Avi a bottle of breastmilk. Then I gave him another, and finally, I put him to bed after feeding him with a bottle. It was bittersweet. Although he also nursed today, it seemed like perhaps he's not getting his fill at the breast. I have a freezer full of frozen breastmilk, so it felt good to be able to tap into the supply. And it felt good to see Avi satisfied and full. But it's a change, too. Perhaps the only people who can really understand are other mothers. Like Mollie. When I mentioned this to her she instantly remembered something similar with her son. It doesn't mean Avi is getting ready to quit the breast, but it's a symbol of change nevertheless.

He's getting older. He's changing the way he goes to sleep, soothes, gets his belly filled. I feel really, really emotional about it. I also feel really honored to be his mama. He is such a lover, and at the same time has so much intensity about him. I love watching him grow and change, but I also miss earlier times. I feel nostalgic for the days he just slept and nursed all day; during those days things felt very simple. Now I look at this big boy who loves to explore the world, loves other children and watches them excitedly at the park, loves Leeor and me so deeply, talks and hugs and interacts with people with a coyness that amazes me. Avi is now 8 months old, and I remain as in awe of him as I was the moment he was born, more deeply in love than I've ever been, and humbled by the whole experience.