Summer has arrived in San Francisco

I still feel energized by my day, which was largely about taking care of my dear friend's kids while she begins a new career . . . she will take care of Avi for me when I go back to work next week. Lilit will go with M, at our share care family's house.

I will go to work, and the sun will likely shine as brightly as it did today, given that at the end of August in San Francisco, we begin our "summer." Feeling grateful that I get to wear my skirts, especially because my work pants are still too tight and I have no desire to sqeeze into them.

Which brings me back to today. Walking up the hill to the park with 3 boys, aged 4.5, 2.5, 2.5, and my Lilit strapped to my body. We counted butterflies and named them after our respective family members. We laughed a lot. The little boys imitated the big boy and he, in turn, felt confident and big. Then the same big boy watched me nurse Lilit and got all reflective:

Me: Can you believe you were a tiny baby who nursed?

L: Yeah. (watching quietly)

Me: Do you remember that time?

L: (with certainty) Yeah. (an almost imperceptible sigh. I swear I am not making it up)

And they were so sweet with the baby, with each other. My living room came alive with boys making tents and slides out of the couch, my patio circled by running boys creating inventive games. Leeor asked me if it had crossed my mind to have more children because of the fun we had, and I can honestly say it didn't, at least consciously. I don't even know why it was so joyful, or why having my friends' kids made me feel so filled up, but it just did.

Which brings me back to work. I say this a lot, but am still searching for ways to say it better: I really like what I do. My anxiety dreams about work are not really that bad. The transition to a new schedule is the hard thing, much like the transition from becoming parent of one to parent of two, pregnant body to post-partum body, etc. I am like a toddler when it comes to transitions. I need a snack and some empathy.

There were lots of *things* I'd hoped to accomplish on my maternity leave. But at the end of it, I don't really care that I didn't. My daughter's birth has been such a tremendous blessing that my biggest to-do list item is to simply wrap myself around it, and help my son adjust.

It was great for Avi to have his friends here today. He called L "my big friend." And L loved instructing Avi on legos and other games. Avi even turned to him expectantly at one point and asked, "And what are we going to do next?" My son, the pleaser. Just like his mama.

He has taken to calling me mama in sort of a southern drawl--I truly wonder where the impetus came from but still don't know . . .Avi has also been in a nearly naked phase, wearing his pull-ups-only ensemble even out to dinner at Baja Cantina in Carmel last night. We made an impromptu day trip to visit Saba and Safta. They celebrated 39 (!!) years of marriage last weekend but we couldn't join them in town so we decided to extend the celebration.

I was reminded of our 4 of July weekend trip, and I wanted to post the photos. They are some of the few photos we have of all four of us together and I just love Avi squirming out of our grasp, Lilit hidden away in the carrier. Leeor and I look happy, and we really have been since our daughter was born. It's been such a good summer, welcoming her into our family.

Avi said the other day that he wanted another baby in our house. It is bittersweet that I am pulling newborn clothes out of Lilit's drawers and wondering what to do with them. I have been in mega-denial about her age--even my mom had to point out that the pjs I was putting on her were too small, "I know, I know," suddenly I was an exasperated teenager with her, but it motivated me to put her into the 6 months pjs and of course they are perfect for her.

Tonight she remains in an adorable summer outfit a good friend gave her; she only wore it once before when we went down the peninsula in search of sun a few weeks ago and today is probably her last donning of its cuteness. She is so smart to maximize it by sleeping in it!


Change feels as tangible as the remnants of today's sweaty park date on my skin. I love the latter but will rinse it off in the tub before bed . . . change clings to me and I hope I can treat it the way I love to treat children in my charge, whether they are mine or someone else's, with compassion, love and respect.

Here's to a glorious fall, which for us bay area folks means lots and lots of sunshine, shorts and sweat. I thank you, weather, for giving me a taste before I have to go indoors for my workday next week . . . of course, there will be lunches with my dear colleagues on the nursing quad, but I don't wanna go there yet.

At this moment I feel like I could accomplish a whole lot, and I wish I could bottle up this feeling for when I need it the most--but in the meantime I will enjoy every last day of maternity leave!