4 Weeks

Four weeks ago tonight, I was in triage . . . and a few hours later, my daughter was born.

Tonight she is passed out in the pack n' play in our living room while I sit and listen to music; my guys are in their respective beds downstairs and I enjoy the sound of the dishwasher punctuated by Lilit's sweet grunting.

This morning was one of those raucous, bumpy, transition-y ones. Leeor left earlier than usual for work and I realized I'd been getting a lovely shower in every day because he was here. Determined to bathe, I parked Avi on my bed with the Muppets Take Manhattan on my laptop and Lilit in her carseat in the bathroom with me. A low point during my shower was her crying and Avi standing over her carseat yelling, "Stop crying, baby!" I was dripping wet, picking her up, admonishing him, and then getting dressed. A funnier moment found me scraping poop off of Avi's heel while he asked innocently, "What's wrong, Mommy?" as Lilit cried. "Nothing," I assured him, "Mommy just overreacted." Then I hustled Lilit into the ergo, where she promptly fell asleep. Avi yelled, "Oh crap, let's get out of the house!" while I tried to brush my teeth. Then I grabbed a bobby pin out of the cupboard to tame my unwashed hair and my mineral foundation powder, unused, lonely on the shelf, danced out and shattered on the bathroom floor. Awesome. I had to laugh because Loreal all over the floor is not a reason to cry. Plus, my girl was blissed out, my breasts her pillow, and Avi was ready at the front door, which was reason enough to celebrate.

I called Leeor while I pushed the stroller down our steep hill, the wind blowing and the sun shining brightly, "Are you in a space to just listen for a minute? I just need to share something with you." He was on the train and listened to me with compassion, "That sounds rough, honey." It was enough empathy to get me into the moment of the fresh air outside, the bay glinting down below the hills. By the time I'd turned the corner and gotten that much closer to the bakery, I felt better. We were out of the house and Avi was happily eating cheddar bunnies. We shared a blueberry muffin, cruised the library and I talked to neighborhood moms while Avi scored The Great Muppet Caper for a week.

And the day kept evolving . . . my friend came over with lunch and we had a glass of wine while Avi napped. Another friend stopped by during her workday. Avi woke up and we headed to the park to meet yet another friend and her kids. We came home, Leeor came home, and then bedtime was a challenge but by then I had my partner by my side to shore me up and help balance things out.

I find myself a little less patient with Avi's 2 year old ways at the end of the day and Leeor is ready to deal while I sit in the glider with Lilit . . . she falls asleep while we sing songs, read books, play songs on Leeor's iphone and debunk the myth of the "scary guy" Avi claims comes out of his bed (which is why he Needs to sleep in our bed, you see).

Leeor and I watched our Netflix, ate dinner. I talked on the phone to a girlfriend and found myself realizing again that our kids are pretty great. And life is pretty great. It's officially summer in San Francisco, and that means I was chilly as I wandered the patio in my pjs and robe, chatting away and gazing at the fog, the lights of houses below soft and fuzzy.

I get all this time to *just be* with my kids this summer. How cool is that?

Here's to the solstice, evolution, and my wonderful family, especially my daughter.