Full circle

I have been thinking about college lately.  Maybe because living in the Bay Area means that I live near a lot of folks I went to Santa Clara with.  I have nostalgia for college, but I don't long to be back there.  I definitely had my share of college angst and it was not fun.  I also had incredible friends from all parts of my life then, my freshman dorm neighbors, English major classmates, sorority girls and frat boys, hippie friends, the cool, popular roommates from the party house we lived in (replete with pool in the backyard and beer bong parties), and of course, my personal favorite, the folks from theatre and dance.  Especially the dancers.  

Suffice to say I felt pulled in a lot of directions back then.  As in high school, dance class became a place of safety and comfort for me.  Maybe because I had so much time to myself (because I was raised not to talk in dance class unless we were on a break) and was moving my body this was somehow therapeutic.  I don't know. Yoga became a natural extension of this practice and then went in its own direction.  Dance helped to ground me and keep me as connected to my truest self as possible.  Even psychoanalyst Winnicott talks about how we are our truest selves when we create and express ourselves artistically.  Go figure.

Yesterday I hung out with a mama who was someone I knew in college.  We weren't friends but we weren't enemies, either.  We remain very different, especially because, as I've mentioned in previous posts, having Avi has helped me remain my truest self, which means I'm a little different than the sorority girl from Santa Clara, not that that ever completely defined me, either, but you know.  And although she we'll never be "friends," it was nice to share an understanding of this thing called motherhood.  There's so much judgment to go around, when there should be more understanding and support.  It was also nice that she reminded me of the 18-22 year old I'd been and I enjoyed the memories.  Plus, her kid is super cute.