He's almost two

Last night, Leeor asked me, "What's wrong with him?" as he pointed to Avi.

"He's almost two," I replied.  

I don't believe in the "terrible twos," or threes, for that matter.  But I do know that having a toddler sometimes requires a tremendous amount of patience and willingness to hang in there while one's child is straddling the strange limbo between toddlerhood independence and the last vestiges of infant neediness.  

I mean, we all feel like having tantrums. How hilarious would it be to raise my voice at someone during the day and say shrilly, "I don't like that!" or "I don't want it!" only to turn around and calmly accept the offered object (like pizza, as was the case last night)? Oh, sweet Avi.  He was standing on a chair at the kitchen counter, insistently sprinkling hot peppers on pizza slices he had no intention of eating.  He howled.  He cried.  He gave us very specific instructions as to how we should attend to him and then immediately turned around and changed his mind.  It was intense.  But even though it can be exhausting, especially when I'm hungry and tired from work and a 22 week old baby girl putting lots of pressure on my pelvic region, I can honestly say I am okay with it.  That I love Avi with all my heart and I really feel like (mostly) I get what this stage is about.  Leeor does too, and we both accept Avi even while we look at each other with wide eyes.

He asked, "What do we do when he gets like this?"  There's really nothing to do except try to tolerate it and not lose our minds in the process.  Plus, these episodes are intermingled with so many fun moments and glimpses into Avi's developing mind and spirit.

Tonight, Avi announced it was his turn to sit on the toilet.  He stripped down (and too late I realized I had casually tossed aside a diaper filled with poop. Oops) and clambered up to sit on his special Elmo seat and practiced holding his penis in a downward position.  "I holding my penis down," he proudly announced.  He sat for awhile and then said he was all done and that he wanted to look at his "big poop," now wrapped up in the diaper.  He has been into looking at his poop for the past few days and of course I oblige.  Then he announced he would be "nakey boy" for awhile and eventually peeled off his shirt.  There were at least 3 episodes of him peeing on the floor, and each time he laughed with surprise and delight.  Like, look what I can do!  

As I sat on the bathroom floor while he sat on the toilet, I thought about how funnily things go.  How toilet training, just like everything else on this journey, just happens and I never feel prepared for it but somehow we end up moving along.  And it's good.  I know we have a decent amount of time with Avi in diapers, and truthfully, he's been sporadically sitting on the toilet since he was only 18 months old, but this is true to his nature.  Just like crawling and walking, he really took his time working up to mastery.  Talking is the only thing he seemed to do instantly.  It's amazing to me how he articulates.  He goes on and on and I try to catch every word.

We have been lying on the couch together after he has his bath and is snuggled into his pajamas.  He chooses books and we read until we have one "for the last time" and he goes to bed.  Tonight was the first night in awhile that he didn't call for me after 10 minutes in bed.  Last night was the first night in a week that he slept through the night without waking.  

I remain so exhausted in a way I can hardly describe.  Work is crazy; and I am finally scheduled to take part one of my Big Scary Licensing Exam.  February 25, 9-1.  A friend, recently licensed, gave me some sage advice, "Don't reschedule as it gets closer and you freak out.  Just take it."  So I am studying, albeit raggedly, but another friend and co-worker is taking it the same week (and she's prego, too!); we are working together to motivate.  We had a little yoga session after we finished studying last night and I decided we should do yoga after each study session and then maybe all the information will stick.  So now I am also in this weird land of thinking about the difference between personality disorders and psychotic disorders and theories I haven't thought about in years, much less applied to my daily work.  

And yet.  Today I got to teach yoga, right in the middle of a work day, and I rigged up my ipod so we even had music! A few grateful employees of the children's hospital were all blissed out for a brief moment before a bunch of eager med students in matching suits tumbled into the conference room in the hospital, a bit weirded out by the remnants of our little class.  I had to laugh.

Avi turns two next month.  And then a few months after that, he becomes a big brother to a baby girl.