Lady of the Canyon

Nearly every day, Avi and I walk through one of San Francisco's biggest nature preserves, Glen Canyon Park. I have fallen in love with the place. Having moved to the city nearly 4 years ago, my nature experiences here were limited to Golden Gate Park, a lovely place, don't get me wrong, but it's not nature nature. Of course, there are beautiful places to hike just outside of SF, like Mt. Tam, Pacifica, and places in the east bay. Living here, however makes one less inclined to cross a bridge on a weekend lest one wants to fight heavy traffic. At least, I didn't always want to do that (especially because I was commuting across the Bay Bridge every day for almost 3 years).

Then we got pregnant and decided we needed to leave our apartment, which was located in an edgy, "up and coming" neighborhood (so edgy that I heard gunshots for the first time in my life), replete with trendy restaurants, bars and coffee shops. Guys walked around the 'hood with what I liked to call the Manchester '69 hair cut and skinny jeans. The girls sorta looked the same.

I admit, I got caught up in it somewhat. I've never been able to wholly ignore certain trends. So I got bangs and layers in my hair and even my own pair of skinny jeans. And I'm not saying that I lost myself completely, but I definitely succumbed to a bit of the hipster vibe (think newsboy cap and hoodies under jackets).

Being pregnant and giving birth to Avi has really grounded me. And living in Glen Park, a far cry from our old 'hood, has also helped me back to myself. I'm not saying I'm tossing the newsboy cap. But I'm growing out the bangs.

Living so close to this glorious park helps, too. It sounds cliche, but being able to access nature on a daily basis (even if the roar of city traffic never fully disappears as I walk through the canyon) helps me stay connected to myself. This is no easy feat as a new mother. I feel like my identity, my sense of self, is in some ways more challenged than ever, but in other ways it's also more solidified. I look forward to my walk in the park with Avi. I've seen snakes, hawks, even goats. There's a co-op preschool where kids get to dig in the dirt and play outside. Most people smile and say hello when they pass. Today, a guy walking his dog said, "Isn't it a nice day for a walk?" Indeed.

When I came upon these wildflowers in bloom, Avi fast asleep in the ergo, I just stood there and felt so incredibly filled up and happy. It was that simple. I stood and stood and breathed and loved all the fresh smells and felt the wind blowing and watched the flowers. And even though Avi is almost always asleep during these walks in the canyon, I feel like being there is as good for him as it is for me.