Mommy Musings

Leeor came home last night, thank god. He still worked up 'til almost 5pm today, Saturday, but then we took a walk with Avi and afterward, he made dinner for us. I realized, as I was nursing while Leeor was cooking, that I didn't have to cook dinner for myself all week. People took care of me each night and I was so greatful. I also hired someone to clean our house (and realized just how nasty it had become over the past 3 months), which made a huge difference.



I have not always been good at asking for help. But when I knew Leeor had to go away last week, I put out the word that I was going to be flying solo, and it was so lovely to experience the good will flowing our way . . .

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I have slowly begun to shed my denial about returning to work in July, and am looking into childcare. But denial is hard to move through. Today, there was a neigborhood "parent/nanny mixer" event that I planned to attend with Avi. Really. But then we went to Whole Foods (baby brain in full effect--it's been so hot that I try to keep the car cool so Avi's carseat doesn't get overheated. I spotted some shade and unwittingly parked a few blocks away, only to realize, as I pushed my cart down the aisles with Avi sleeping soundly in the ergo, that it would be quite tricky to get my wares back to the car. Fortunately, the sweet guy at check out offered to help me and had to de-program the cart so it would go beyond the boundaries of the store. Sigh.), then home and settled in for a long nurse. It wasn't until we were on our walk with Leeor that I realized I'd completely "forgotten" about the mixer. Another sigh.

Tonight there was a big party for some people we know--dancing, drinks, loads of people dressed to the nines, I'm sure. But with Leeor returning home last night, I knew we wouldn't be up for it. Besides, it hardly seemed the place for Avi to nurse to sleep. After I put him to bed and slipped into my pjs, I reminded myself that it has only been 3 months, after all, since he was born. It's normal for me to not feel quite ready to hit the town with my dancing shoes, right?