It's nearly the end of the month, but fall has me feeling inspired. I turned 39 and spent my first night away from Yossi. He turned one and had his first taste of sugar (chocolate chips in his zucchini/banana "cake"). Since then his older siblings have slipped him potato chips and a lone Dorito they scored on a spontaneous trip to Apple Hill today. We Libras, that is, Yossi and me, crave balance, so I suppose he will be okay.
These three. Leeor and I keep thanking each other in earnest and sometimes snarky moments. Thank you for these children. We are especially glad we had a third. Yossi has brought us all together, despite behaviors (by one unnamed sister) to the contrary. This year has deepened and strengthened our family in a way I could never have imagined. There were moments today when I felt so blissfully happy, aware that happiness is such a fleeting state. I just soaked it in, watched it enter. Felt its light presence.
Our little meatball. His curls, eyes, cheeks and smooshy boday. Especially his legs. Those delicious baby legs that are growing faster and stronger every day. He was a little late to crawl but now he is trying to dart down the back stairs, we find him with chalk in his mouth and a shit-eating grin. He is foxy like that, our Yossi.
For his birthday, the family gathered and showered him with gifts. He is such a hand-me-down boy, whether he knows it or not, but oh, did he seem to appreciate his new toys!! The car was a hit with the siblings and the cousins, and they spent hours pushing each other back and forth down the highway of our little house. Yossi says, "thank you, Saba and Savta!"
He turned one on the 21st and we celebrated yesterday. My mom spent the night and came with us to a picnic with Avi's first grade class this morning. Since I last posted here, Avi and Lilit had pretty eventful entrances to the school year. Avi has settled into first grade after a rough, wow-first-grade-is-way-harder-than-kinder couple of weeks. Lilit blasted into her bridge k class at Tehiyah with ferocity and now is having a few bumps. Likely her baby brother's birthday has something to do with it, but she also talks wistfully about her old school. It was a big year for her. She is doing so well but we are always wondering--is she okay? Are we asking too much of her? And even if we are, what to do? Just be in it with her, provide support and space to explore her feelings, appropriate boundaries and lots of empathy.
While we were at Avi's picnic, we decided to go to Apple Hill. Which is about 2 hours away from Berkeley. Because we have been feeling so grateful and also inspired. And it's been awhile since we have spontaneously jumped in the car. And it was awesome!! Avi rode with my mom, which was a treat for each of them. The car felt strange and spacious without him, but also a little (guilt alert!) easier. Lilit and Yossi slept while we chatted. There were no battles to referee. And then Apple Hill was upon us like a magical, orgasmic fall moment. Warm pie a la mode, hay bales on which to play tag, soft dogs to pet and cider to sample. The sun created that perfect light and it was truly golden.
One more of the newly minted one year old.
Lilit actually requested a photo op for the first time and proceeded to pose atop aforementioned hay.
See what I mean about the light?
More singing of Let it Go from this girl. She requests that we sing it, "like Elsa." How else?
Avi wanted a turn behind the camera and took some sweet photos of the other men in the family.
These boys. One minute they are strange little newborns (though Neta babies are never really all that little), then pudgy babies, then they turn one and it becomes a blur. I remember so much about being Avi's age. I remember my first grade teacher with vivid detail. Now I look at the work he brings home dutifully every Friday to show us and marvel over it all. How he carefully writes sentences on those lined papers, the upper case skimming the top and bottom of the lines, the lower case bumping up against the dotted line. His eraser marks and hard-won penmanship. His "number stories." His adorable accent when he reads me a few things in Hebrew, or corrects me when I try to write a Hebrew letter.
He is definitely more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it, and we encouraged him to snap this warm apple cider donut. The farm was closing, it was 5pm, but I just couldn't leave Apple Hill without an apple donut. So we dug up a dollar in change and all had a bite. Except for Yossi.
It's been a beautiful month. The high holidays kept us busy right after the school year began. We adjusted to a new routine, and continue to settle in. I realize, more and more, that the settling also has to do with cultivating flexibility. That anything I cling to just causes me pain. Like if I need our morning, or our getting-home-time in the evening to go a certain way, I always suffer. I find myself taking deep breaths as I pick up the kids after work, first Yossi (which honestly is so sweet and easy), then the "big kids." I try to be armed with healthy snacks. To not anticipate anyone's mood. To stay loose, flexible, attentive but open. It's been working. And there was also that moment when I sent Leeor to Costco after we got home because we were out of toilet paper. Avi was literally writhing on the ground, whining and hoping to wear me down with his repeated requests to watch a show. Lilit was harassing Yossi, who was waiting hungrily in his chair for dinner. I was calm. Firm. Resolute. Avi escalated. Lilit sat down to eat. Yossi was busy eating. I had a little moment with Avi. Then it passed. It was okay. Leeor came home. My shoulders settled. Eventually, the kids get bathed and the kitchen gets cleaned and we go to bed. Sometimes one of us has to go out again because we forgot about some ingredient, or we run out of diapers (again). Sometimes life feels narrowly focused on our family of five and work. But this month, we got a few date nights in. We celebrated 8 years of marriage. Went to LA overnight for my birthday sans kids. It's been full. Fun. Sweet. Exactly what I always dreamed of.
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