Still October

Otherwise known as a very long, random and rambling post. For Leeor.

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It's late but I made coffee this afternoon for one of our neighbors and drank a big, delicious cup myself . . . then I napped in Avi's bed when he fell asleep so now I'm reflective and eager to catch up a little on all things blogworthy.

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Only words tonight because I am out of digital memory cards and haven't snapped any photos of the kids lately. Fortunately, Leeor remains well-stocked with film and there are loads of good photos of our recent adventures. Unfortunately, he is out of town for work until late Wednesday night and I am feeling burned out on single parenting. I finally asked for help in the form of Safta and she's coming tomorrow afternoon. Avi hopes she can help him make a "creature power suit." He is really into a show on PBS kids called Wild Kratts; as mixed as I feel about TV, there is no doubt that this show teaches a lot about animals. Avi settles in to watch it and exclaims breathlessly, "I wonder what animal I'm going to learn about today!"

He has been full of process lately and talks here and there about his longing for babyhood as well as his dreams of the future, "When I go to kindergarden!" We went to a pumpkin patch over the weekend with his bff, GG, and he held a dandelion to his lips. I wondered what he might wish for as prepared a breath and he said, "I wish I could be a baby again" so matter-of-factly and then moved onto to the next thing while my girlfriend and I made eyes and I tried not to cry like a baby.

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Lilit is coy and cute and girly, into her books and dolls and stuffed animals. She is quiet but also fierce, quick to yell if I didn't get it the first time (like when she arched her back and I still tried to put her in the seat in the shopping cart). She still likes to hold our hands to walk but has taken many steps on her own. I love our time together on Mondays and she does too. She leads me through the house and finds sweet activities for us and it turns out she has a sweet tooth; she has learned to point wildly and yell at the clandestine box of cat cookies on top of the fridge. That's my girl.

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We go to Israel in two weeks. Halloween is next week and Avi and I have been prepping all things spooky and pumpkin-y, including the cupcakes we made today with our sweet neighbors. Then Avi played "fairy school" with them at their house before we brought more cupcakes to another neighbor and he scored another playdate. South Berkeley continues to be good to us.

Lilit actually picked out the Halloween stickers today at Michael's; she loved walking around and looking at everything but really, the girl loves books above all else. Going to work on Tuesdays often feels so difficult, like I'm missing so much with the kids, like being with them is where it's at.

I have also been feeling burned out and way overdue for a proper vacation. Israel will be an amazing trip, not exactly a relaxing one, but being with my family for two weeks will be so wonderful.

But first things first; we need Leeor back. Then we need some quality family time this weekend (squeezed around a working Saturday for me . . . but I finally have a private practice client so maybe one day I can stop working on the weekend!) before we get our Halloween block party on.

I like documenting all these little things, thinking about the way Lilit is so into nursing right now while I feel more ambivalent about it, about how much I enjoyed hanging out with the kids all day today, even the moment at the store when the person bagging our goods insisted on helping me out to the car. Ever the over-sharer, I confided to him that it is difficult for me to ask for help, "Yeah," he said, not unkindly, "but then you're *that lady* that's all slow with your kids and stuff and it just annoys people."

I had to laugh.

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Today I couldn't believe this month is almost over--it's my favorite month! To feel it slipping through my fingers made me incredibly sad. That, combined with Leeor's current location, which is Maine, which couldn't be further away, was too much for my overactive psyche. So I appreciated my kids even more because they help me stay present in the moment. I love the way they don't hang onto to anything too long--Avi, of course, loves to reflect on all things past, present and future, but without melancholy. I am trying and failing to wrap up this post. Time to sign off and hope that all this typing has freed my body from excess caffeine. A paltry ode to my favorite month, but I need the equivalent of the bagger guy to help me here and that's just not possible. I loved this quote from the NY Times so I'll end with it, "You can’t write a hip-hop masterpiece before hip-hop has been invented. And you can’t write “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” until English secular comedy has come into existence."