April

Lilit is 11 months old, will soon turn one, and I want to scream, "I'm not ready!" We still call her baby (though we are conscious of it and try to call her by name more often), still pick her up and carry her around (okay, maybe just I do that), and I still love having a baby--I'm not ready to move into toddlerhood with my girl!
My girl has her own self, though, well-established from past lifetimes, I'm convinced. It sounds trite, but she has taught me so much in a year, some of it subtle and some of it as big as buying a house and moving across the bay. I love that she sleeps through the night from day one here, while Avi continues to need one of us to "help him go to sleep" when he turns in, and eventually makes his way to our room for his last few hours of slumber.


Leeor and I don't mind this extra snuggle time with Avi. Both our kids are so affectionate and squishy with love for us and also for each other. Tonight, Avi gently ran his hand across Lilit's face after she'd pulled on him roughly with baby exuberance, "Not like that, Baby, like this, gentle," and my heart nearly burst through my chest.
We celebrated Leeor's birthday with a fancy dinner out in the city. We are Bridge and Tunnel people now, all excited about our Big Night Out in the City--with the kids, of course. It's fun to be a tourist in San Francisco, especially when the city still feels so familiar.
I went for a walk with Lilit one morning after we dropped Avi off at school. It's such a gorgeous place. But I prefer Dolores Park when its filled with people, the lawn dotted with color and music. Monday morning, it turns out, is for a few stray dog walkers, several homeless folks starting their days amidst makeshift campsites, Tai Chi practitioners, and late commuters (where do these people work that they can cruise in so late, I always wonder, and how may I get a job like that?)
It was Leeor's birthday, but Avi got the special dessert. Parenthood is funny like that.
What can I say about this beautiful, brown-eyed girl? Espresso bean eyes, Andrew called them, and we think that is a perfect description.
She reads the New Yorker, of course.
Leeor and Lilit. She is such a daddy's girl, but also very much her own girl.
And Avi is just like his mama sometimes, super sensitive with and added toddler wackiness. The move is good for him even though he talks a lot about missing the old house, about his BFF living "all the way back in San Francisco."
Leeor and I ordered drinks and Avi said, "I want a cocktail, too!"
I totally remember hanging out in my little brother's crib and playing with stuffed animals.
My dad made me this rocking wooden elephant when I was little and I love that my kids enjoy it, too. I'm glad my mom kept it for me.
How can she be turning one? Look at those baby cheeks!
I love spending more time with Lilit on Mondays and Tuesdays. It's been a luxury I won't be able to enjoy forever, but it's been good these last few months, especially with the move.
Avi and Lilit are spectators at the sporting event called, "Aba mows the lawn."
I love it when Avi swims in the tub. On the days I don't bathe with the kids, Avi prefers I "sit with him," not to wash him or anything, but just to hang. I am trying not to underestimate how meaningful it is for him simply to have my full attention for a little while. And he's pretty great at conversing. Auntie Jen gave me these awesome tights and I'm glad living in Berkeley means I still get to wear boots year round to work in San Francisco. It's good to have a basic "uniform" as a working mom. I'm trying to streamline my get-out-the-door time with the kids in the morning now that I'm a commuter. It's been stressful.

Settling into our new lives in the east bay, getting ready to celebrate our first year with our baby girl, April was about celebration, renewal, honoring the past and breaking free from the shackles of what no longer serves us. For me, the latter came up hard and fast when we landed in this beautiful little Craftsman in the Berkeley flats. I was relieved to learn we owed money to the IRS, because it propelled us to a panicky place I know well. I slid into chaos like it was my favorite pair of jeans when really it was like a straitjacket. What can I say, neuroses die a slow, smoldering death. Or maybe they just linger to remind us that life is a journey filled with the birth/death cycle to teach us what we most need to know. We move forward one moment at a time, hopefully open to the lessons.

Leeor is out of town this week and while I'm glad I've risen to the challenge, been my best self with my kids in his absence, I'm ready for my best friend to come home. It was good to celebrate him this month, good to celebrate his mom, too, as Safta brought him into the world just before her own birthday. Then we had a trip to Seattle and Bainbridge Island, hosted by our ridiculously generous friends. Declan's birthday kept the party rolling, then Passover, Easter, impromptu dates with our new neighbors and friends and good visits with family and friends stopping by to check out the new digs. It was a good month, but I look forward to May and deepening our presence here, celebrating our own flower, our sweet Lilit.