A New year

These photos of the kids are from New Year's Day, which, shockingly, was almost two weeks ago. I love the way they interact more and more . . .I spent much of my pregnancy with Lilit fretting about what it would be like to have two kids and how it would all work out, and now I can't believe I ever worried.
We entered 2011 up in Mendocino. Our drive up the coast was a little long but completely worth it--we stopped for fish tacos and clam chowder in Bodega Bay and I practically bored myself with my constant exclamations of awe over the beauty that is the Northern Californian coast. I am continually grateful to live within driving distance of this.

And I really, really love being close with my baby girl. It's all going by so fast but at least she still naps in the ergo . . .and despite all our nighttime sleep trouble, she remains the most mellow little baby--after our weekend with our friends, Andrew remarked that he couldn't pick her cry out of a line up--it's true--she hardly cries. She's so sweet and easy and lovely.
I was incredibly nostalgic over our weekend at the Inn at Schoolhouse Creek, which happens to be where Leeor and I got married . . .it's magical there. I loved the cold air, the ocean, the woods, the innkeepers, the quaint town, sharing it all with our friends. It was a great way to ring in the New Year.
I love this picture of Mollie. We got the kids to bed super late New Year's Eve, cooked a good dinner (even if I forgot the beets!) , drank martinis and wine, chatted each other up. We have spent the past several New Year's Eves with the McFarlands and I hope to spend a whole bunch more with them . . . Mollie thinks we should all retire in Mendocino and I heartily agree.
It was great to be able to be our wild, messy family-of-four selves with our friends and their dog in one of my favorite places in the whole world.

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I wish this photo wasn't so overexposed, but I still love it--Avi is such a mini-me and Lilit such a mini-Leeor . . .Avi says sometimes, "Mommy, we have the same eyes!"
Mostly, Avi harrasses Lilit; he sometimes bites, lies on top of her, squeezes her cheeks. Every so often, she grabs a tuft of his hair and gives a good yank. I love the look on her face here!
I love her exuberance, the way she smiles with her whole body. It feels so good when she lights up for me like that. There are about 50 pictures from one afternoon we spent together because I was so taken with her. It's such a wonderful age--I remember Avi being much like this, content to sit and explore toys, a happy Buddha of cheeks, teeth and gums. Chubby wrists and delicious rolls from belly to toes.
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"It's a new year but we remain in the throes of 2010s ending hot issues, namely, lack of sleep in our tiny city abode.

While part of me truly believes more space is the answer, I also remember (not very well, it turns out) having horrendous sleep trouble with Avi when he was between 7 and 8 months old. Man, it's rough, and I'm just not very good at strategy for making it better. It's only 8:52 and Lilit has already woken once since turning in at 7:20 or so. Shit.

I posted something on Facebook this week about sleep training and got more comments than ever before on a status update. Such a hot topic, babies and sleep and what one should or shouldn't do about it!"

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I wrote that bit on Saturday night; it's Tuesday night and since then I have been experimenting with letting her cry--not in any strategic way, and it totally sucks, but I can tell when she's protesting and when she needs to be picked up. Except last night, when I passed out mid-wail and awakened to Leeor's prodding and stage whisper, "What's the plan?" so I picked her up and eventually brought her into bed with us at 5:30 or so. Avi woke up at 6:30--he likes to pee in the potty first thing in the morning and I want to support that so . . . I am really, really into coffee again.

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It's a new year and I have a new job to go with it. I'm still a social worker at UCSF but with a very different population. As much as I loved working in the Children's Hospital, I feel so inspired while I run around in OB Clinic, and especially when I meet women and couples in my own clinic. It's cool. And hard. I worked harder on Wednesday and Thursday last week then I ever have, and it was incredibly satisfying. After a half day Friday and all day Saturday, I am humbled. Worn out but not feeling used up the way I did when I first started out in this field nearly 8 years ago.

I am also aware of not wanting to get too caught up in it all. I remain grateful for the opportunity, for my salary, the wonderful health insurance that cloaks my family in security (especially after all the doctor visits for Lilit over the past few weeks--I just got a notice from our Christmas visit to the ER--$833!!--and my portion is only $50. Really on a tangent now, but it reminds me of when Leeor and I paid less than 50 cents to take him to the ER when we were travelling in Africa).

Speaking of Africa, Leeor and I are dreaming about spending more time there, maybe even taking the kids for an extended stay. Partly it's our escapist antidote to figuring out an education for our children in the Bay Area, but it's also our shared desire to do some good work there in our respective fields. It's fun to play futurama together. It's on the unofficial resolution list for 2011. We don't plan to go there this year, but we'd like to put together a plan that gets us there in a few years . . .

We also want to lay down some roots before we spread our wings. There's a great little house in Berkeley that we just may offer to buy . . .we'll see what happens--and I'm trying to stay slightly removed from it all . . .

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My theme for 2011 so far is to stay loose and take it as it comes--to not get too attached to any particular outcome, whether at home or at work. Avi turns three next month and everything everyone says about 3 being harder than 2 is definitely true. Lilit is a dream during the day but a bit of a mess at night right now--maybe getting her own room will help, and maybe it's just where we're at right now. It's temporary. I may jinx us all by writing this down, but she's been asleep for 3 hours now so maybe we are turning a corner!

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I have been struggling to string together a post these days but I just had to go for it tonight. There is so much going on--the mundane in our house juxtaposed with the terrible big stuff in the world around us. I really, really liked what Jon Stewart had to say on the Daily Show last night about the madness in Tucson. For some reason, I was reminded of our forefathers, of the people who rose up against England and wanted to have a new nation. Patriots. I don't really have a point here; I'm riding on Jon Stewart's coattails; he ended his opening monologue by thanking his audience for letting him process his reaction to what happened. I feel the same way, though my "audience" is my family and a few friends. All I can do is process. And maintain hope and faith in humanity.