So many gifts

Today I passed part one of my licensing exam.  It means that I am halfway to becoming a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I remember being in social work school and having a professor ask us where we saw ourselves in 5 years, and every one of us answered by saying, "Well, I hope to be licensed by then . . . " and she impatiently cut in and said, "Yes, yes, of course you will all be licensed by then. Then what?" But it's been 7 years since I got my masters degree and damn, part one of that exam was excruciatingly hard.

The best part of this story, as usual, is Avi. I woke up at 4:30 this morning, anxious and alert, and then heard him having a bad dream.  I lay still in bed, listening.  Then he started chanting, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" and then, "Mommy, put my blanket on!" I crept into his room.  He was so precious.  "Wipe my eyes," he requested sadly.  "You had a bad dream," I stated. "Yeah," he answered.  "What was it about?" He thought for a minute. "Simon," he replied.  I assured him that he was safe, that Simon, our kitty cat, was also safe.  I offered a song. Avi nodded and I launched quietly into a number from Mary Poppins.  Avi smiled sweetly up at me while I stroked his hair.  Then I told him to close his eyes and have sweet dreams, and can you believe it? He did! No complaints, no requests for ba-ba.  Just sweetness and eyes closing. 

It was a little harder for me to get back to sleep but I must have because suddenly I awoke to my alarm.  It was 6:30 and I needed to get up.  Leeor and Avi slept while I showered and crept around making breakfast.  I cursed the fact that we were out of cream for coffee.  I burned my eggs.  Leeor got up and found the "lucky t-shirt" he wore for all 3 days of the bar exam.  It says "I'm here to pass" on the front and it's super dorky.  But I wore it proudly and we went in to wake Avi because they were going to drop me off at the exam site.  Avi had the wildest bedhead (a result of brushing his hair with his toothbrush the night before; I guess there was still toothpaste on it) and though he was a bit grumpy at being woken up, he still giggled at his reflection.  "My hair!" he exclaimed. 

My guys drove me to the test site and even walked me into the building.  Avi in his pajamas, saying, "Good luck, Mommy!" and Leeor assuring me I would pass.  Then they left and I spent the next 4 hours sweating, freaking out, saying little prayers and incantations (to Saraswati, the Hindu goddess of intelligence, creativity, power) and taking bathroom breaks.  At the end I held my breath for the result and bam!, the word PASSED appeared on the screen.  To my utter shock, honestly.  I went into it feeling like I would pass and then lost that confidence after each question when I found myself without a clue as to the right answer.  

Yesterday, for my final bit of test prep I took the day off work.  I went for a glorious walk through Glen Canyon.  It was one of those amazing days where it rains for a few minutes and then the sun bursts forth and then the clouds roll back in to pour a few more drops on the earth.  The air smelled fresh and clean, the poppies were heavy with drops and bright with color; it felt so good to be alive.  It made me think of that Gerard Manley Hopkins poem, God's Grandeur,

The world is charged with the grandeur of God.

It will flame out, like shining from shook foil; . . .

. . .nature is never spent;
        There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
        Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs — 
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
        World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

Later, after taking a practice test, I went to yoga and received such a beautiful class from my favorite teacher.  She reminded us to remain present in all moments so as not to miss one single gift from our lives, and it's so true.  I had felt so present on my walk in the canyon and was so grateful for a few moments to simply be outside and take in the world around me. I love when I feel present with Avi, with Leeor, with our friends and family. Practicing asanas next to my good friend, I felt strong and graceful, capable. The sound of om rang through me and filled me with peace. My yoga teacher read from Hafiz, another great poet.  It's a poem she's read often when I've been in class with her, called So Many Gifts,

There are so many gifts

Still unopened from your birthday,

There are so many hand-crafted presents

That have been sent to you by God.

Leeor picked me up from the test site bearing a gift.  "I knew you would pass," he said, "I got this for you," and it's the most beautiful necklace from my favorite local boutique.  It's a leaf, which feels so right for me at this moment. I can't wait to spend the weekend with my guys. And to take a few days off from studying --at least until I start getting ready for exam number two.