This is summer

Avi lost another tooth on the 4th of July. He explained, patiently, that he no longer believed in the tooth fairy. I tried to keep the defensiveness out of my voice, "Who told you that?" Oh, kids at school. I offered that he could choose to believe whatever he wanted. And then carefully tucked a handwritten note with some money under his pillow. "This looks like your handwriting!" he exclaimed, innocently enough, the next morning. I'm already nostalgic for his younger years, for those sweet days now idealized, when Avi was our one and only. I also treasure these moments of him growing, changing, evolving. He shared with me tonight that he was worried about two things: one of them was that I would be killed. My sweet, neurotic first born. Of course I assured him and held him close, wiped his tears. Maybe growing up and becoming independent feels a bit like your mother getting murdered in front of your very eyes. We'll see if this is a passing fear, like the 7 year old version of a monster in the closet. I hope so.

In lighter news, my cousin, Susan, came to SF with her family a couple of weekends ago. Or was it just yesterday? She has always been like the big sister I never had, and much cooler. Now I get to watch her and Michael easily parent two teenagers! I'm taking notes.

Lilit is blossoming. I was worried that summer camp might be a lot for--none of her friends from school are there and the kids have adventures daily that keep them outdoors. But while she speaks fondly of school and asks, "When do we go back to Tehiyah?" at least once a week, I see a new confidence in her. It's pure joy to witness. She got a spontaneous hair cut last weekend and when the stylist asked whether she wanted bangs, I looked to her, curious if she understood. Her solemn nod resulted in ... Bangs!

Muir Beach babe. July, 2015

My man and his mini. Yossi got a hair cut, too. But don't get between a mama and her 20 month old son's curls! The stylist went easy on them. I want to remember everything about this time with our youngest, the way he responds, "Yes," with such solemnity, declares, "hug" and "kiss," followed by the earnest affections given with his whole body. The way he runs, talks around his binky, asks for milk, asks for his siblings, "Abi? Sissy?" Reads books, plays with cars, loves to be outside. Loves animals.

Leeor teases me that I didn't want a 3rd baby. I was afraid we couldn't handle it. That we couldn't afford this rich life with 3 gorgeous babes. I was so wrong. And I can't imagine family life without sweet Yossi. 

He's charging ahead but still a baby sometimes, staying close to snuggle, clutching his blankie or my breast. Wanting to be held. 

Sometimes I have guilt that all the energy I spend with Yossi is somehow depleting the other kids. But of course that isn't possible. This mama love is limitless.

Some favorite random summer moments:

Lilit's obsession with The Princess in Black. She has memorized nearly all of it and can be found reading aloud to herself or to Yossi most days.

And Yossi in these old pjs of Avi's? Swoon.

Shabbat dinners. Especially with guests like my mama, who is recovering from her shoulder surgery like a boss!

Silly faces at the table, like this little ham. She has perfect comedic timing.

My boys. One still nursing; the other sometimes wishing he still could.

But why male models?

These two have such a special father/daughter bond. Tonight, Lilit mentioned that she and I have different color eyes, "That's okay," she concluded. I wondered with her about it a little more and she confessed, "I wish I had blue eyes like you. They are so beautiful." And I had to swallow my urge to correct her, that her espresso bean eyes are the most beautiful. I let her words fill the air for a breath or two before I began to speak. And if I could, I would change the color of my eyes to the most beautiful brown ones I have ever known. Even though it's not our job as parents to keep our kids from suffering. I hope the kids always want to talk to me about their fears, concerns, joys and any random thoughts that occur to them. It's such an honor to be their listener, their holder of difficult material and also of their strengths and celebrations. To many more adventures this summer and always.