Give; receive

It's already late; Wednesdays are long for all of us because I teach yoga after work.  Usually, Avi is asleep on the couch next to Leeor when I arrive home a little after 8pm.  Lilit is long in bed by then.  I felt so wistful early this morning when I bid them all goodbye, stepped out into the damp morning and headed to the BART station.

But I love teaching yoga! My pre-natal class at the Berkeley Y was tiny tonight because it's Thanksgiving eve and it was satisfying to connect with mamas-to-be and also to teach.  I even arrived early enough to practice on my own in a big beautiful room with Jai Uttal singing about Ganesha while I dove over and over again into uttanasana, the forward bend that launches yogis into a sun salutation and invites to look inward, to connect with our truest selves.

***

I am such an inconsistent blogger lately.  The kids are changing so quickly and I fail to document, to note every time Lilit ceases babytalk on a certain word and enunciates correctly, like how she no longer calls her brother "Ah-bee-yah."

"Where's Ah-vee?" she inquires when I enter her room in the morning, her wispy hair disheveled and her skin soft and warm, "Where's Ah-bah?"

She doesn't say "bee-puzz" for because anymore, either.  Lilit tells me about her dreams when she wakes; this week it's been all about Grandma and camping.  Her cheeks remain full and round but her body is stretching as she grows (so fast!); "Measure me!" she commands when we enter her room post-bath, her pink bunny towel straining to cover her toddlerhood.

"She's a toddler, Mama," Avi informs me, "not a baby.  I'm not a toddler anymore, though.  I'm four and a half."  In fact, he's almost 5.  Leeor and I shake our collective heads.  How did that *happen*?

***

The end of the calendar year makes me turn inward even more than usual.  I think about this year and honestly don't know where it went.  January is an honest blank.  What did we do?  February was Avi's 4th birthday, during which our dear friends and former nanny-share family gamely brought a small bouncy house and then kept watch while kids were in an out though it was freezing.  March?  Don't remember.  April was Leeor's birthday and our quick weekend in Austin.  Didn't we just go there?  In May, Lilit turned 2 and we had an epic party for her.  June is also a blur while July stands out because we celebrated Isaac's birthday and also the birth of baby Kai! August saw our fun camping and road trip up the coast, while the rest of fall was high holidays, travel, my birthday, and then Halloween hit and I could have called it a year at that point.

But here we are on the eve of Thanksgiving with so much gratitude.  Fortino came today to help us with the yard and I was jolted by its beauty when I walked home tonight.  Avi had a meltdown when I came in, poor thing.  His routine all wonky and his body tired and then wired because yay! Mama's home!  We soothed and calmed him and I dove into a seated forward bend, paschimottanasana, while he drifted to sleep on the couch.

Then I hustled to our dining table, which heaved with legos, art supplies and laundry.  I laughed a little and remarked to myself how long it actually took to clear everything! Now the table is set with our wedding china and my favorite fall tablecloth, candles ready to be lit and flowers beaming from the center.

It's nearing the end of a wonderful, full year.  We will celebrate with gratitude and food tomorrow.  My mama sent me a text message today, "I'm at Trader Joe's.  What do you need?" and it was so classic because of course there were a few essentials missing from my pantry though I'd been to the store twice.  She was like an angel, especially because I was at work and fretting about not getting to the store.

***

Which brings me back to tonight.  The unadulterated love fest we had for our kids as we reminisced and shared about the day.  There are steel cut oats slow cooking with apples and cinnamon that I look forward to eating for breakfast.  And then cooking and eating some more with maybe a trip to the park in between.  Dessert with our neigbors.  My mama here.  Cozy.  Happy.  Warm.  Grateful.