Reconnecting

I can't believe January went by without a single post here.

I was reading old posts the other day, from my pregnancy with Lilit, specifically, and appreciating this space where I've been able to ramble and document aspects of this fleeting time when our kids are little.

Avi is about to leave his threenager self behind as he turns 4 (!!) next week. He has been obsessed with Leeor and wants to do everything just like him. He also has a sweet relationship with a pair of brothers at his school and wants for nothing except a play date with them.

Lilit, my precious girl, my last baby, is herself hurtling toward her second birthday at an alarming pace. Not unlike when she crouches down at one end of the house and says, "Go, go, gooooooo!" and takes off running toward the other end.

I have so much to say about them, about how Lilit picked out a skirt for herself on a recent Target outing and proudly waved it around as we walked the aisles (Avi got some superhero shoes, lest anyone worry things aren't even around here). It's grey and tu-tu-y and her favorite thing ever. She is all girl but also desperate to hang with her brother and just as into his trains as she is into baby dolls. I love the way she says "baby; " it sounds like "bee-bee" and she has the sweetest look on her face when she says it.

It's been interesting for me to notice such big shifts in Avi, too. He uses the toilet exclusively for both kinds of bodily waste and insists on privacy. When he used a public toilet for the first time the other day (we were in Monterey to celebrate Auntie Maital's birthday) and I told him I was proud of him, he responded, "No you aren't. I only just started using the potty." Touche.

Avi has a lot of rules but he is pretty sweet about all of them. His hair is long and shaggy and there are moments when he appears more tween than toddler. Leeor is loving their new BFF status. Lilit is, too, because I am that much more available to her and the two of us are pretty tight right now.

I heard myself telling one of the lactation consultants at work that we would have her "no more nusing" party when she turns two and wondered why I felt like I need to wean. She reminded me that it's a great tool to have during illness (so true!) and I have to really sit with myself and see whether I'm truly done and ready to wean or if I'm just doing it because I feel like it's time. Avi has already weighed in, "Mommy, you don't have to nurse her all the time."

He has also decided he no longer needs our help to sleep at night and after books are read he snuggles under the covers and grudgingly accepts a kiss. Just like that.

I was affirmed (and it's so rare to feel this that I have to document it here) that our instincts were right on--that we didn't need to push about the toileting or the sleeping because when he was ready, it just happened. Same for Lilit and her development. Little sister continues to pee daily in the froggy potty as if she has been doing it forever. She is also in a hardcore Elmo phase (something Avi never really experienced).

Less and less do I find myself comparing them; more and more I am simply enjoying them. The way they hold hands--in the car, while running through the house or when we are out and about. The way Avi spontaneously says "I love you!" to each of us. The way Lilit puckers up for a kiss. They are each so unique in the ways they embody their little places in our family, in the world, but they have this depth to their connection that I can't seem to capture without avoiding cliche.

Photos to come soon--for now I just needed to reconnect with this space, to talk about the kids for a few minutes.