A disclaimer: the last post indicated there would be a part two of the Israel post, but here I am, the day before the last day of 2011, trying to catch up, and part two just isn't going to happen.
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Leeor made his Facebook timeline tonight and I loved looking at old photos; we watched a video of baby Lilit that just made me melt. I miss that phase even though I have been recently feeling like we finally see the light at the end of the life-with-young-children tunnel. Lilit is now 19 months old and Avi will be 4 in February. I hardly blog these days because I have been using my laptop in Lilit's room to play ocean waves every night.
And it's so much more than that. I am certain I will look back on this time and feel nothing but gratitude for this sweetness, for our healthy little ones, for the innocence of this time. There are moments, however, when I have to dig down deep to feel the gratitude, when I feel exhausted by our busy lives. It never feels good to have to reach down deep to find gratitude when I know how much good we have.
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It's been such a busy year. Buying this house was such a good decision for our family but it's also been a tremendous transition. Sometimes I still miss living in San Francisco, but I perpetually struggle with nostalgia. I dreamed about a previous employer last night and had to laugh this morning-- it's all I can do sometimes to move forward. Meditation practice is such a gift to me; for 14 years I have been learning to be present instead of ruminate in the past or plan the future (what a lark, right?). Having our gorgeous, funny children has been an even bigger gift, and I love catching myself being present with them. It's become almost a cliche to remind ourselves to "be present," but I don't care. I love these practices, love when the kids drag out yoga mats and tumble into poses, but mostly I love being present with them, with Leeor.
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We had a lot of good holiday cheer but I am also glad to move forward, for once. The holidays can be challenging with all the expectation and pressures both internal and external. Ultimately, we did a lot of staying home and being present with the kids. Leeor and I traded child care duties over the past couple weeks and it's been great. I think Avi will be ready to go back to school on Monday, and I know a little girl who will be happy to see her nanny.
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In the news of child development, the big news around here is that our girl started walking on her own around her 18 month check-up, just when we were starting to worry. I like to say that I was never worried, that I know each child has a unique trajectory of development, but I was actually worried. It's hard not to compare kids to each other, but our two are just beautifully unique--Avi with his almost 4 year old wisdom, "Mommy, I feel like I am already 4!" and his firstborn anxiety ("Mommy, get baby! Get her, GET HER! She's going to get lost!!") and Lilit with her quiet firmness and her boundless joy. Girlfriend really loves to go down the slides at the park. Don't tell anyone, but she's also already gone pee on the potty. I am the last person to pressure her (because, um, Avi still likes to poop in a diaper; dude puts it on himself when he needs to go) but it's sort of cool. Just like her.
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I look forward to 2012. It's going to be good. We just might even turn our garage into our lounge/office/playroom. I think that's about all the change I can handle for the moment.
1 comment:
Ah potty training. Hard to make it not a control issue. Tommy was nearly 4 and needed bribing. Ben was 18 months because he wanted to go to "school" with his big brother. Got to get out and see your little ones before they're too big!
Love you.
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