Sunday, Monday, Tuesday with the family

Avi and Leeor riding to the grocery store during my favorite time of day. . .
Lilit and I walked to get the items not meant for the ride, like eggs. And beer.
As much as I love to see her in pink, she looks so sweet in blue, too!
Avi's new "say cheese" pose is bittersweet; he is now capable of the "fake" smile, but it also demonstrates a more sophisticated level of self-awareness--good and bad. He's so cute that he mostly gets away with the bad parts but I am learning to hold my ground and set the limits he desperately needs.
Our Mother's Day celebration began with the kids in bed--Avi directed me, "Lilit will go on Aba's side, and I will go on your side, Mommy." He gets frustrated if she doesn't lay back at his command--one of these days it is going to be funny when he can't boss her around. For the moment, she doesn't seem to mind. We eventually made our way up to Davis and the Whole Earth Festival; Jen and Itay had a booth and it was awesome to see them in their element, treating people who were lining up for Reiki and Acupuncture as music played in the background. I haven't been to Whole Earth since I was a gangly teenager and I felt nostalgic, peaceful and happy to be in this place in my life, the crumbly, wrinkled but settled mama.
The cousins had a good time, too, which was the best gift of all. I love watching the babies together. Their 6 week age difference seems non-existent.
Avi tuned in to his inner hippie and ran wild all day. He especially loved this tree and pointed out the "A" for Avi. He is such a goofball. His teachers keep talking about his blossoming sense of humor, how he'll say, "I'm just joking!" He continues to mimic my inner Valley Girl with variations of, "That's crazy, isn't it?"
I love the way Leeor loves his mom. We got to celebrate both grandmothers, Auntie Jen, and me all together. It was a sweet mom-fest.
Avi loves to be up in the babies' business.
Leeor loves having a little girl. So do I. At the moment I am stuck in my "I can't believe she is going to be one" stupor. This morning I met our friends' new baby girl (with the best name ever), Evening Eliana Yael. Little Eve is going to kick some ass. She quietly held court, sleeping as newborns do, while her parents held the space radiating around her. I thought a lot about home birth, and how one of the ways it is preferable to hospital birth is the peace and quiet, the way the parents are truly able to set their own tone. I dare not write this down, but should we have a third baby one day, he has to be born at home. He because Avi has requested a baby boy. When I say requested, I mean demanded, in only the way an omniscient-feeling 3 year old can. I think he wants to be the baby boy again.
Avi spent a good long while rolling around under this parachute. I have never seen him happier.
I took the kids to Tilden's Little Farm yesterday--our first visit. High up in the Berkeley hills, looking out over the splendor of the bay, I realized the Berkeley we inhabit, down in the flats, is a different city altogether. My process of our move from the city to the East bay continues, now an epic saga only in my mind, not interesting to friends and family who have moved on. It reminds me of the patients I see who have lost babies earlier in their pregnancy than what current science deems viable. Please excuse the comparison--I realize I need to take things less seriously, dance and create more than I analyze. Find the happy Libra's sense of balance, a lifelong quest.
"Mommy, I'm snuggling with Baby!"
She is starting to squeeze and pinch back--they squeal together and it feels like they are already conspiring against me. I love it! I even secretly love the noise, except when we are on the lower deck of the Bay Bridge on our way home to Berkeley. Then I want to lose my mind.
Sometimes I can picture Avi as a teen, and realize how similar toddlerhood and early adolescence really are.
Every time Leeor tried to say it was "Mommy's day," Avi corrected him, "It's Mother's Day, Aba." This kid is ready for chapter books. I love the way he listens to Leeor read to him, enraptured. Leeor reminded me that all the holidays that celebrate us as parents are meant to be celebrated together, with our children. It's not really about us as individuals, but about the beautiful mess of stuff we become when we have children together.

This coming weekend, however, just the two of us get to go up to Napa for our first overnight since Avi was born, thanks to the generosity of John and Amber, who will be down from Bainbridge Island. We are grateful, and desperate for some time together. Last night, Leeor pointed out how long it has been since was just dorked out and alternately watched movies and read books in our pjs all weekend. I have a cute dress my husband picked out for me hanging in the closet, unworn. I plan to at least get out of my cozy clothes for one meal out.

While I am fretting about being away from the kids two nights in a row as I haven't even been away from Lilit one night, I can already feel how good the time away will be for our whole family. Even if the exit and re-entry are rocky and I call the grandparents too many times over the weekend. We need the break. This year has been such a whirlwind and I am still trying to catch my breath.