Our new home

Our family room and living room, respectively, before they were loaded up with our goods. Now we mostly occupy the family room while our unpacked boxes fill the living room--I love it. It's like we are easing ourselves into having more space . . .

I took these photos a few weeks ago--I wanted to take some today but I need a new memory card . . . even though it wasn't as brilliantly sunny today I still sat in the yard while Lilit napped and just--sat. And took it all in.

It's late; I wait for Leeor to get home from work while the kids sleep and the dishwasher does its thing.

We have lived in our new house in Berkeley for exactly one week except I feel more settled than that--though boxes litter our home and clog the garage, I feel grounded here. While I wrestle with my neurotic "I don't deserve all this good stuff" thoughts, mostly I feel happy and grateful.

***

This morning I waited with Lilit for the refrigerator repair guy. I realized my "biggest" problem right now was a busted fridge; sure, we'd just purchased it and the repair guy had already been out once and four bottles of breastmilk sat curdling in the warm freezer, but surely there are worse problems!

So I puttered while he probed in the depths of the stainless steel Maytag beauty that we scored from the Sears Outlet for a song, played with sweet Lilit until she fell into blissful slumber and then washed dishes and continued my slow and easy putting-it-all-away ritual. I think I will be doing the latter for awhile.

It's good to live in Berkeley. We are close to the bay and a cool breeze always drifts our way. My backyard is lush and unfamiliar; while Lilit continued her nap I wandered out there and plunged tentative fingers into the dirt of my garden, looking for clues. I clumsily pushed a leaning plant back into place and marveled at how good it felt to dig around though I have no idea what I'm "supposed" to do.

Even our commute hasn't been too bad so far . . . when we all go into the city together it's so easy to cruise along the carpool lane, Avi and Lilit giggling and holding hands in the backseat while we chat over coffee steaming in our travel mugs. Those days are long and I'm grateful I don't work every day.

The theme of change continues as we look for a new nanny for my baby girl, who is in the tight grip of separation anxiety and only seems to want me or Leeor these days. I don't underestimate what a big deal it is that she now sleeps (pretty much through the night, hallelujah!) in her own room. Last night I gazed into the empty darkness next to our bed--into the space she used to occupy in the pack n play. I whispered to Leeor that I missed her. "I know," he replied, "but why are you whispering?" as there was no baby in our room who might awaken at any moment and reach for me.

But it also feels good to reclaim my room, my space. I sit in here tonight, listening to music while I type away and my eyes blur . . . Avi will likely continue his new routine of softly padding into our room at some point during the night and climb into bed between us (so the room is not entirely ours just yet). Last night he settled in only to remember he'd left his lovey back in his room and I groggily prepared to retrieve it but he surprised me by getting it himself, his own comfort in our new home growing each day.

I love it here. And don't even get me started about this fabulous little city, edgy and suburban all at once, filled with righteous history as well as the promise of a great future for us and our little ones.