Aba away

Happy and grateful to be in trimester number two with baby number two, I remain immensely tired.  So why am I blogging, of all things, instead of slumbering?  A couple of reasons.  One of them is that Leeor is in NYC this week, so I never fall asleep as well when he's away.  I figure I may as well stay up a bit later (which means 10 instead of 8) and wear myself out so I have a better chance of beating insomnia.  Secondly, I watched the season finale of Mad Men tonight after Avi went to bed, and though it sounds silly, I totally need to process what I watched.  Which brings me back to Leeor being away, because usually we watch it together and dissect it piece by piece after.  

Single parenting is hard.  I found myself sighing a deep sigh tonight after Avi sat himself down at the table, ready to eat (though he kept saying no when I asked and I should have known to just make 2 Trader Joe's hot dogs and honey whole wheat buns in the first place, I know, great, healthy dinner, right?) and I sat down too, famished, and he was like, "Avi wants a hot dog!" so of course I gave him mine and got up to make another and then he wanted me to, as he says, "Help you eat it," which meant that he wanted me right next to him, giving him bites.  In the scheme of things, no big deal.  He ate dinner, some of mine, too, and then I gave him a bath and he easily slipped into bed after a good cuddle.  It was just that I felt so incredibly tired.  

He is more clingy with Leeor away.  I said, "I miss Aba," and he replied, "I miss Aba, too," only he does this sing-song thing so there is a big emphasis on the word "too" that is pretty funny.  

I took him to the mall tonight because he had a late nap and I don't usually have the car so I thought it might be fun to look at rain boots for him.  I recalled seeing these Thomas the Train boots that I suspected he'd love.  And he did, at first, but then when the salesperson wanted to measure his feet the chorus of "Noo!" began and I was like, wow, what are we doing here? He did try on some crocs (because all he wants to wear are crocs and they have some with warm stuff inside and I thought, hmm, good alternative to boots) except that then he freaked again and just wanted to put his old smelly ones back on and chase these darling brothers, ages 3 and 6, clad in rain boots and matching rain jackets, around the displays.  They remarked that Avi is a fast runner and he kept repeating the phrase on the ride home, "Avi runs sooo fast!" like he was very pleased with himself.

In these moments of fatigue, post work (I finally got the H1N1 shot, preservative-free, thank you, and realized just how freaked out I've been about getting sick), post getting us both ready on my own in the morning, post putting him to bed and eating a bowl of cereal post hot dog, when I think, what on earth will it be like to have another baby in this mix?  And without question, I know it will be amazing.  Challenging and exhausting but also amazing.  Especially because I have a partner who is a wonderful father.  When he is away we are only too aware of how much we need him. So I end with another quote from Avi, which he delivered to Leeor over the phone yesterday: "Aba, come home now."